It’s been more than four years since I wrote this piece – “What is Brahmacharya?” and that is also a time when I moved to Tiruvannamalai (here’s the guide). From June 2021 to today, January 1st, 2026, the topic of inquiry is rather similar. A lot of has happened since that time and in a way, nothing has happened. Firstly, for us sadhakas, devotees- the idea of progress needs to be annihilated. There is no thing called progress. Things ARE. Reality IS. The world is an illusion. The truth is ONE. Within. Without. Self-effulgent. Every Present. Bhraman. Chaitanyam. God. Consciousness.
We just need to hold on to that single mahavakya – ब्रह्म सत्यं जगन्मिथ्या | Brahman alone is real; the world is illusory (dependent, not absolutely real).
Having said that, most of us struggle with the single most potent vasana– “desire”. Now, for most of us, desire is a BIG thing but for the lens of a jnani like Balamurgan Swami, even arising of a thought is a desire. For ordinary mortals, thought is almost a constant, ‘desire’ is something much larger. For me, I deal with bits of greed, hoarding, gluttony and a slightly larger piece of lust (masculine vasanas in my understanding). The other vasanas which are there in varying quantities in all of us would be anger, attachment, pride, jealousy, fear. In my experience, jealousy and attachment are more feminine vasanas.
The Journey
For me, the so called spiritual journey started back in 2013/14 when I moved to Dharamshala, Himachal Pradesh from Bengaluru and met my now wife- Sarasvati (practical guide on moving to the Himalayas). She’s also one of my first gurus having pointed me towards trying out S.N. Goenka’s Vipassana which gave me the first meditation experiences. I was also part of the Saadho Sangha for a brief period and travels with them brought me for the first time to Tiruvannamalai back in 2015/16. And this is where I met my Satguru- the King Cobra of all gurus; the one and only Ramana Maharshi! There’s no one like him, he’s the only ONE, the SUPREME LORD. Om Namoh Bhagwate Shri Ramanayah!
I often lose rationality and go overboard when writing about Bhagavan because he ended the seeking for me 🙂 There’s a lot more I’ll share and talk about as we go on but with Ramana Maharshi and Arunachala, this person named Jubin Mehta lost identity. This life is devoted to Bhagavan and whatever happens, is now in HIS hands (read more about this in the Mountain Path which is Ramana Ashram’s official magazine and they published my article in the Deepam Edition of October 2023! – download from here).
Okay, getting back to the practice or rather the journey exploring different traditions.
Tibetan Buddhism, Advaita and the meaning of Practice
For the first few years of my journey, say from 2013/14 to 2019/20, it was a lot about effort. And it is so very necessary! Call it the hormones of the 20s or the rigour of the initial phase of sadhana, it was all about EFFORT. Intense effort to reach somewhere- be it back to back Vipassana retreats (knowing the nature of the mind), be it rejecting the ways of the world or living like a beggar monk along the Narmada (read about the Narmada Parikrama); it was all about seeking something. And it is immensely helpful and necessary for a sadhaka!
Practices that helped in this phase and the influences I had:
- Trekking the Himalayas (the Dhauladhar Mountain ranges were my backyard!)
- S.N. Goenka’s Vipassana and Shamatha Retreats of Dolma Ling Nunnery
- Rebelling against norms (not following social expectations, leaving a well paying job and more) – I don’t advise this but recognize this as an important phase in gaining spiritual understanding. If someone has to do it, they have to do it.
- Self-guided and situation aided inquiry- Seeing the nature of alternative groups, communities, etc. (human beings remain the same everywhere- in ashrams or in corporates). We all are the same bundle of vasanas 🙂
- Pilgrimages to places of spiritual significance- Banaras, Dharamshala, Rishikesh, Tiruvannamalai, Auroville, Spiti, Bir, Rewalsar, Maheshwar, Bhutan, Angkor Wat, etc.
- Spiritual Books from various masters- Mingyur Rinpoche’s In Love with the World, Thich Naht Hanh’s Old Path White Cloud and many more (I have a blog on this)
In the hindsight, everything is practice. Anything done with the right intent and full intensity, is a powerful practice. Whatever we do, we should go all in. This even may include maintaining a balance- going all in with maintaining Balance! And embracing Paradox. This is a must-do. Being comfortable with and delighting in paradox is the essence of spiritual understanding.
In all of this, parts of Buddhism and Advaita Vedanta are what opened for me and there is a recognition of Advaita Vedanta as the root lineage for me. I was speaking with Sarasvati the other day where we were fondly talking about how Dzogchen kind of Buddhism and Advaita Vedanta are the best chums. At this point, I need to confess that some of my speaking about Buddhism may not be completely accurate because I have not really have had a single teacher in this lineage. But I trust the essence and intent to be honest. I once tried to take initiation from Mingyur Rinpoche but it didn’t work out most likely because I had to have the Nayan Diksha (initiation through the eyes) from Ramana Maharshi later in the journey 🙂 I’ve written about this on the Mountain Path article on how the guru finds us.
Elaborating on the confession part, I must also say that my explorations in Advaita also have in a way been self-guided. Nochur Venkatraman’s talks on Bhagavan have been the base of my understanding. I have had blessings of him through two friends about which I should probably share:
- Once, while on Girivallam (Parikrama around Arunachala), a chant spontaneously arose of the name of Sri Ramacharanatirtha Nochur Vankataramana. I chanted this all through the girivallam and on coming home, I recorded it and sent it to a friend who’s a close disciple of Nochurji and asked to share it with him. Nochurji received it with love and said that the person (me) should chant Bhagavan’s or Arunachala’s name.
- I had a compilation of all of Nochurji’s talks in English before he had the Voice Of Rishis Website and YouTube channel going properly. I also pointed his talks to several friends one of whom ended up having in person satsang with him multiple times and I came up in one of the discussions where Nochurji gifted a picture of Ramana Maharshi for me:
I have met Nochurji a few times in person and taken his blessings but haven’t exchanged a word directly. And I somehow like it this way 🙂 He has pointed me to Bhagavan and Arunachala and I’m forever grateful to him for it.
So, this forms a caveat as to most of my journey has been self guided in this essence and what I’m about to share after this also needs to be taken with a few pinches of salt. And some black pepper as well if you’d like 🙂
What is Tantra?
The journey has been one of action for me. I’ve made intense efforts for self-restraint and non-action is a key part of action but at the end, for most of us- sitting in samadhi 24*7 is not something we can do. Shakti emanates from Shiva and it has to be channelized in the right way. Self-restraint has to be practiced AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE and only when it becomes impossible, indulge or act with the knowing – “Brahm Satyam Jagat Mithya” | The world is an illusion, truth alone is.
I’ve indulged in physical relationships which in hindsight can be called mistakes but without making those mistakes, I would have not learn the lesson. And as much as one says tantra is not about sex and it is true but once cannot deny it as well! Let me share some deeply personal experiences with a lot of caution but also as pointers because it may be of help (Ajahn Chah’s honest teachings and sharing gave a lot of inspiration | YouTube video).
- Indulging in sex as purely as a pleasure seeking activity. Most of us should indulge in it but the earlier we restrain from this, it is probably better for the spiritual journey.
- Another practice I’ve tried is a little more conscious – when you’re having sex, try and be aware of each moment. It’ll be almost impossible to do this when you climax but it’s pretty much possible at other times. A lot of the western world calls this sacred sex which I think is much better than animalistic sex but it’s still very juvenile from a spiritual journey standpoint.
- This is an instance which I consider where a tantra teacher appeared in front of me. This person came in the form of an apsara (extremely beautiful) and absolutely bare bodied. Seated in a lotus posture, she’d not make any move till I moved. She’d move only as much as I would and the eye gaze put me in a hypnotic state. I had lost all sanity but something deep within said – ‘restraint, don’t indulge’. In hindsight, I consider it miraculous that I could restraint and not indulge and probably it was Arunachala’s grace which led to this as a teaching for both the people involved.
- Another instance is when I was trying to meditate in the forests of Arunachala hill. I took the inner path and entered an area which has a stream. There, in the middle of nowhere! There are two apsaras bathing in the stream! I am like this is impossible! I close my eyes and sit in meditation, trying to focus on the breath! Being unable to, I open my eyes and in the distance, I see two deers running in the distance. This is like the perfect picture of a rishi trying to meditate and apsaras sent to disturb his meditation. I was like this is 2021! It made the faith in “the world is an illusion” even more stronger! I sat for a while and quietly slipped away to meditate at my then house, Bose Compound.
- After this is when Sri Vidya opened for me. Kavitha Chinnaiyan’s The Glorious Alchemy has been a teacher and again, I’ve just exchanged one Instagram message with her but the experience have been potent and her sharings have been extremely helpful. Ramana Ashramam holds Sri Vidya Homas every year and from the last couple of years, spontaneous practices open up for me. In 2022/23, Lalita Tripura Sundari revealed herself where I could barely sleep for 2-3 nights and as a practice, I would paint her form and perform havan (which I anyways regularly do). One very personal practice (not sure if I should call it that) that came up was masturbation as a form of offering. While the chant was on, I took off my clothes and the penis took the visualization of a shiva linga. And as one would do Abhishekam of the shiva linga, I worshipped the penis by pouring water over it and masturbating as an offering of milk and honey and then pouring water again to conclude the Abhishekam. I am extremely cautious in sharing this and I will probably be led to the traditional practice of Abhishekam but all of this fit perfectly well experientially. The practice is in observing this once, learning and then not indulging.
For me, Tantra is a lot of channelizing action. If we are to look at the core meaning from Sanskrit, the root tan– means to “expand, weave or systematize” and tra means “Instrument, means, or that which protects, carries, or enables.”
So at its heart, Tantra means a framework or method that expands awareness or knowledge.
This is how ChatGPT puts it and I quite like it, common meaning of tantra:
1) System / Technique / Method: A structured way of doing something — especially a practical method rather than theory.
2) Spiritual context (Indian traditions): Tantra refers to esoteric spiritual practices aimed at transformation and liberation, using: Mantra (sound), Yantra (sacred geometry), Mudra (gestures), Ritual, breath, energy, and meditation. In this sense, Tantra is about using everyday life and the body as a path to awakening, not renouncing them.
3) Text or scripture
A Tantra can also mean a treatise or manual that lays out a system of practice (e.g., Shaiva Tantras, Shakta Tantras, Buddhist Tantras).
Simple way to remember
Tantra = a practical system that weaves methods together to expand consciousness.
Tantra is Life
Hopefully, the above sharing lightens the word ‘Tantra’. One of the key reasons for writing and sharing this is that for a lot of young people, ‘Tantra’ is this esoteric practice- ecstatic dance, indulgence and what not. This is what the mind paints and this what you’d find in a lot of spiritual circles. It’s debatable as to how much of this should prevail but it’s great if you can have a peek into this and come out because indulgence is far away from the real thing. The moment the journey becomes of pleasure seeking, one has deviated from the path.
The journey is of wakefulness, awareness and this is real Tantra. Can you be in the middle of all the pleasures and still revel in the bliss of the lord?
For me, after finding eternal home in Ramana Maharshi; he got me married, got me a piece of land in Tiruvannamalai and a full time job! All things that I thought were not ‘spiritual’. And he helped me see the spirituality in all of this.
The practice now is to be in the middle of all of this- managing a 25 people team and a $2 million budget, stresses of a corporate job, family responsibilities and helping people around. After 2019/20, the ‘I’ was truly kept aside and he made me do things that is seemingly for ‘me’ but not for me at all.
I constantly see through struggles that an ordinary person in the world faces and see the courage it takes to run a household. Doing your dharma but abiding in the teaching all the time. Working but knowing it’s all an illusion. Acting and engaging but constantly trying to reside in the heart center.
There are moments when I falter, moments when I again become outward looking but the guru is holding. There is faith in the guru and that is the only thing there is. We’re all spiritual beings having human experiences. And human experience includes all the vasanas. We need to constantly look, engage with the world, do our duties but eyes firmly on the guru/within.
It might become difficult but then you try again. For instance, it’s very hard for me to go for a vipassana retreat now for some reason. Even in self-retreat like now, action flows. The guru is making me work. There’s this knowing that one needs to work to burn out vasanas and then true sannyas will arise. One cannot give up doership, it goes on its own. The guru takes it away. When the time is ripe to sit and action to drop, it blossoms on its own. Contemplation on truth and death is important.
Tantra and the Bardo of Death
Another master I love is Dzongsar Jamyang Khyentse Rinpoche. He’s absolutely amazing. A tulku (reincarnation of a previous master in a particular lineage) in the Sakya lineage, Khyentse rinpoche is a very creative soul who’s also an amazing film maker. One can see the depth of his inner experience ofcourse through his talks but also through his movies- From “The Cup” which is a gentle, humorous film about young Tibetan monks obsessed with watching the FIFA World Cup to “Looking for a Lady with Fangs and a Moustache” which is a an exploration exposing how desire and projection distort reality in modern life.
His book “Living is Dying” seems like the perfect fit contemplation on death. Bardo is a Tibetan word translating to “in-between state” or “interval” and tantra is a lot of investigating or hanging in these in-between states. There is the dream bardo, the waking bardo, the life bardo, the meditation bardo and such and ofcouse, the death bardo – the process of death.
Dying is a lot like living and vice versa I think. I don’t speak from very deep experience here but advaita vedanta and tibetan buddhism and probably all religions at the core consider death to be very sacred. Because it is. If one has even had a glimpse into the illusory nature of the world or a deeply meditative experience, it becomes self apparent. This material realm is very transient. The realm of gods and ghosts and death is also similar in a way. And this understanding kind of makes death easy to digest. Because only the body dies. Maybe the mind dies as well but this book describes the process very well about how the body and mind separate and the mind carries on.
And scriptures have practices to do in the waking life that would make life after death easier 🙂 The above book is certainly one you should go in retreat with when it calls out (like how I am doing now) but it is important to talk about death. It makes it easy to live in the world as well. When you read and contemplate about death, all these things about vasanas and desires become very small. All the pleasures of the senses kind of become irrelevant because death is all. Death of the ‘I’ is what we need to contemplate on. Ramana Maharshi’s “Who Am I?” is a potent inquiry into this and several Buddhist texts also give elaborate practices (like the Chöd practice) which are very powerful.
With all of this rambling on tantra and death and what not, I leave us all with a wish for 2026 and beyond-
May all be happy
Mall all be joyous
May all be liberated
Om Arunachala
Om Namoh Bhagwate Shri Ramanayah
