Life: Moving in circles, to form a spiral

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3 years! That’s a long time. 3 years? A speck in time. I’m sitting 200m away from where I used to sit 3 years ago in this tiny hamlet in the foothills of the Himalayas. Today, as I sit down to do the same thing I used to do back then, it all feels same but something is so dramatically different. The outwards actions are all the same, the same will to do things, the same excitement about things. But something has moved inside. Some things have crashed. There is no ambition to achieve, to change anything. There is no desire to reach anywhere after almost always trying to reach somewhere. There is this acceptance of things. Of the way life is. Of this perpetual quest, the quest to understand oneself and that seems like the only battle worth fighting. It’s not even a battle, it’s just an understanding. There are far flung exciting endeavours, but all of them will only lead to this work on the self. If this understanding remains, life seems like a joyous boatride worth taking. This wonderful boat ride of contradictions, of duality, of intent- there is this quest for the pure and that can be only attained by accepting impurity. One foot here, one foot there, but focused on the centre. Tao. How can one be always in this state? Did I see a desire there, an endeavour? Okay, look at it. Are you overanalyzing? Mind is a trap. Is that arriving at conclusions? There you go again! Smile. Relax. There have been attempts of pushing the body- romantic thoughts on farming, being the liberated labourer- it is all very important. And all of it holds immense learnings. A point where you want to do everything, then a point you don’t want to do anything and then a point where you don’t want anything and let things happen. But for now, we have come one full circle- a circle, overlapping the previous one. Being in the spiral, the beautiful spiral.

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